Productivity FTW!

You can always tell how well things are going with my writing by how often I post on this blog. Sorry for the lack of updates, but my absence means very good things for my trilogy! Stay tuned...

Between the Lines - The Cell Phones

Here it is, the last "behind the scenes" look at my Everyday Divinities short stories! If you haven't read it yet, stop reading this and pick it up on either Kindle or Nook right this second! It's only $2, and you'll get to read some neat little fiction pieces that take place in the setting I've been building for my trilogy. Plus, the rest of this blog post will make much more sense after you've read it.

Ready? Here we go!

The Cell Phones

First off, I should say that this is my favorite of all of the short stories in Everyday Divinities. It's certainly the one I'm most proud of in the collection, which makes me wonder why I put it in the back of the collection instead of up front. I suppose I was trying to order them chronologically so new readers would experience them much like my blog readers have, only faster. Or maybe I just wanted to save the best for last. Yeah, I'll go with that.

The inspiration for this story came from a dear friend of mine, Natalie, who posted on Facebook one day that she'd destroyed yet another phone. Naturally, I made an off-handed comment about how her cell phone body count should be one of my next short stories. Barely a week later, and it was so. The horrible history of her cell phone abuse is now immortalized in a short story, going back to her first phone and all the way up to that latest tragedy. And yes, I asked her for a history of each cell phone and why it had to be replaced, which she was more than happy to supply.

Character-wise, Sal got his name from a bastardization of the "cell" in "cellular phone." I know, it sounds like I ripped it straight out of a mafia movie, but I promise you that's not the case. B.B. Tana got her first initials from Blackberry, the brand of phone that Natalie ended up getting to replace her latest victim, and "Tana" came from... Huh. I'm not sure where Tana came from, actually. Probably a name I'd heard before and thought it'd fit nicely into a story. Sometimes it's not any deeper than that, really. The personalities were easy enough to nail down, with Sal as the grudgingly accommodating god of cell phones and Tana as the employee who's not afraid to call foul when the system doesn't work.

Speaking of which, this is the first time a god refuses to do his or her job in any of my stories. All of the others feature gods who dutifully do what they're told, even if their job stinks, but this one focuses on a goddess who not only refuses to do her job as the embodiment of an object, she threatens to unmake herself in the Great Void if she's forced to go along with it. The Great Void is a concept that took form in this story as the ultimate expression of destruction, the bane of any being who embodies something that was created in our world, and it quickly found its way into my trilogy since then as a fate worse than simply having a god's domain destroyed. Objects can be rebuilt, after all, and a god whose object was destroyed is essentially unemployed until a new object/job is assigned. But if a god is unmade, then both the object and the entity that embodies it is toast. Gone. Eradicated.

Understandably, a force that can kill an immortal is something of great dramatic use to me as a writer, especially in this setting.

We also get our first teasing glimpse of the other powers that operate in this setting. The gods of inanimate objects, or Inanimates, are the focus of these stories and my trilogy, but they're not the only pantheon around. The Animates who embody all living things are the other side of that divine coin, though their interaction with the Inanimates is limited. As for the Ephemerals, their power is much greater and much broader than either of the other pantheons. If the Inanimates and Animates are divine companies set up to administer every facet of the modern world, living or not, the Ephemerals are the parent company that owns and operates the other two.

Will we see these other pantheons in stories? That certainly would make a fine way to follow up a trilogy about the Inanimates, wouldn't it?

Finally, major props once again to Karuna Tanahashi for giving this story a little editorial TLC. She made some excellent suggestions, some of which were integrated into the finished product, and some of which were not. I choose my battles wisely when it comes to keeping certain elements in, and I think it paid off.

Got a question you'd like to ask about The Cell Phones story? Feel free to post it in the comments section below, and I'll answer it right on this very page!

Between the Lines - The Desktop and Laptop Computers

The release of my short story anthology is imminent! To celebrate, I thought I'd give my loyal followers another peek behind the creative curtain with a new Between the Lines post. We'll skip past The Copier for reasons I'll go into at another time and go straight toward the second to last story in the collection...

The Desktop and Laptop Computers

To start, this story was created with a specific purpose: To give expression to my very judgmental feelings regarding a certain chain of eateries. I don't know if they're like this in every city they're in, but this particular bakery is about as trendy as it comes, which of course meant that I had to poke fun at it in writing. It used to be that I'd make fun of people in Starbucks for the collection of laptops occupying every table. Now my mockery has a new target. I can't come right out and give the eatery's name, of course. That would be A Bad Thing, and I'm not about to sabotage my writing career before it starts by getting sued for libel. I can, however, switch around a couple of letters to create a fictional eatery with a similar enough name that astute readers should be able to figure out what it is without me coming out and saying the actual name. If you got it, points to you! If you didn't, don't worry about it, you're not missing much.

Aside from riffing on this eatery and the people who patron the establishment, I've been meaning to delve into gods who are co-workers as well as friends, similar to what I did with the Television and the Remote Control story. I wanted to take them out of the work situation and put them in casual mode, so I set the story in a bit of "downtime" that the two gods might share in the course of their duties. After all, even the most dedicated of gods needs to forge connections to those of like minds to expand their influence. I had my setting and my discussion, now it came down to forging the voice of each god.

It made sense to make the laptop god, who naturally would be ranting about this eatery that his domain is taken into constantly, the younger and hipper of the two computers. Being so mobile, he would be more well-traveled than the desktop computer, so I made him sort of a free-spirited, jet-setting kind of character. His counterpart, the desktop computer, would be older and more reserved. The contrast was a natural one, which I emphasized by putting the desktop computer in a business suit, to reflect the sheer number of desktops used in a corporate setting. While I didn't go into detail in the laptop's attire, I pictured him as much more casual and relaxed in his clothing (despite his energetic rant).

The names came to me easily enough. Since HP and Dell are two of the most widely used computer brands out there, it made sense to adapt them to my naming conventions. HP became the initials for Holland Parcell, and Dell became Dall. Parcell, incidentally, is a variation of a name found in my family, so my thanks go out to my cousin for marrying into a family name that I could use in a story!

Since I'm a big fan of MMOs, I couldn't help but bring them into a discussion between two computer gods. For curious parties, I used to roleplay on Sentinels server in World of Warcraft under the name Cynlan on Horde side, and these days I'll be active in Star Wars: The Old Republic as Jace Colton on the RP server Vrook Lamar. Feel free to say hi to me if you run into me in-game, but don't be too distressed if I don't get back to you right away. I may be in the middle of roleplay, or I could be in a boss fight.

Incidentally, if you have to ask what Dall meant by that comment of the other "good time" people use computers for, you're better off not knowing.

Finally, major props go out to Karuna Tanahashi for giving this story a critical eye and making some very sound editorial suggestions. It really made the difference in comparison to previous stories. Thank you, Karuna!

Got a question you'd like to ask about The Desktop and Laptop Computers story? Feel free to post it in the comments section below, and I'll answer it right on this very page!

An Update & A Request!

It's time for another writing update, don't you think?

My anthology is almost ready for release into the wild! The formatting is done! I just want to go over it one last time to make sure it meets all the formatting requirements for ebook conversion, and I'll be doing that this weekend. It's so exciting to get something I've written ready for online publication. I can't wait for you all to see how snazzy it looks when it's not displayed on my blog!

There is, however, one major stumbling block for me in getting this anthology out the door, and it's a problem I've mentioned a couple of times before. I still have no cover image!



It's a sad thing to see an ebook with no cover image. It makes me feel like it isn't a real book, just something that was cobbled together and hastily slapped onto an ereader. I want to deliver a quality product to the people, hence all the time I've invested in making sure it's as ready as it can possibly be before I put it out there, and it's obvious to me now that I can't do this alone.

I turn to you, loyal followers, to help me find a cover image! If you've read the short stories of The Everyday Divinities Project, you already know that it focuses on inanimate objects and the secret lives they live under our very noses. They're tales that highlight the objects that surround us everyday that we take for granted so often. If you're not familiar with them, or you want to brush up on your Everyday Divinities lore, links to the project are on the right hand side.

So here's the deal: If you're a photographer, artist, photoshopper or other visual artist, send me a picture that you feel best places inanimate objects on the pedestal they so rightly deserve! The image must be your own creation - no stealing someone else's copyrighted or watermarked work. Please don't add your own watermark to the image, I'll give credit for the cover in the opening pages of the book. The picture must be in either JPEG or TIFF format, with dimensions of at least 500 by 800 pixels and a maximum of 2000 pixels on the longest side, and saved at 72 dots per inch (DPI) for optimal web viewing. Ideally, the image will have a height/width ratio of 1.6 and display beautifully in RGB color mode so your work will shine on an ereader.

The image that I feel best captures the essence of The Everyday Divinities Project will be used as the cover for my book, and its creator will get credit for the cover image in the book itself!

All entries must be sent in to robertlemoyne[at]gmail[dot]com by midnight on Friday, November 4th and the winner will be announced on this blog by Monday.

Good luck to all my artistically inclined followers! I can't wait to see what kind of images you all come up with!

Edit: Due to being under the weather and preparing for a convention this weekend, I'm extending the contest through the weekend to midnight on Monday, Nov. 7th. Enjoy the weekend!

Between the Lines - The Coffee Machines

It's been a while since I've written one of these, so I thought it was well past time for another entry in the Between the Lines series! This time, we'll take a look at the third short story of The Everyday Divnities Project...

The Coffee Machines

First off, let me give the last of the three-part apology carried through this series thus far. Much like "The TV and the Remote Control" and "The Alarm Clock" stories, this one was self-edited, and I have a hard time being objective about my work. I can proofread my own stuff, but it takes an editor who is not so attached to the characters or the themes to make the tough decisions regarding the voice of the characters and the economy of words. If you can't tell, I tend to be verbose, and I have this deep-seated need for ALL OF THE WORDS to go into my stories. Fortunately, this behavior is being corrected.

I kept with the previous mission statement for these short stories and focused on the gods within the inanimate objects as opposed to the humans who used them. Unlike those previous stories, there are no humans at all in this tale. They're referenced, absolutely, but they don't show up as actual characters in the story. I felt that the past two stories had eased people into the concept of a hidden world of inanimate objects and the divinities that made them work, allowing me to delve deeper into the world of the Inanimates without using people as the bridge to cross into that setting. In fact, the last two short stories I'd written are set up in a similar way, with the narrative set fully in their world from start to finish instead of our own.

The absence of humans in this story is balanced by putting two divinities in a very human situation, that of a job review. Even teenagers can relate to the tedium of a performance review at whatever mundane job they've taken on to make some money. I know I could! At the same time, it humanizes the characters by putting these all-powerful gods in a very mundane scene and gives some insight into how the Inanimates hierarchy works. How does one move up the ladder in this modern-day pantheon? Well, now you know.

For those who are wondering, the character of Taryn is an amalgamation of every boss I've ever worked for in my life, but the name has no relation to any of them whatsoever. Maybe you see a little bit of your supervisor or manager in Taryn, maybe not, but little pieces of each of my bosses over the years is represented somewhere in the story. (And no, I won't name which traits are from which boss!) As for Mr. Caulfie, whose name is a very obvious pun on the Mr. Coffee coffeemakers, I'll be honest and say that he's very much based on me in those situations.

My favorite part, though, is the employee record on Mr. C. These are all actual scenarios that I incorporated into the story, some that I'd seen firsthand and some that were relayed to me by others. I had a boss who used her coffee machine to brew tea, and there actually is a Mrs. Tea teamaker (made by the Mr. Coffee company) that has unfortunately been discontinued. Water leaking out onto the counter has been a fairly common problem I've noticed in office coffee machines in the various offices I've worked at, too. And the quote that Taryn gives from the file comes directly from my own mother, who was having problems with her own coffee machine. I'm pleased to report that it has since been fixed and brews amazing coffee once more without spilling a drop.

Incidentally, the goddess of coffee that Taryn will be working for is a prominent character in my trilogy. Does that mean that Taryn will show up in the course of that story? Only time will tell!

Got a question you'd like to ask about The Coffee Machines story? Feel free to post it in the comments section below, and I'll answer it right on this very page!

The Hero's Journey - Return With the Elixir

I know, I’ve really been dragging my feet writing these last few Hero’s Journey entries, and this one was no exception. It’s bad for me, being a blogger and taking forever to write up some really meaty material that has meant a lot to me in the process of writing and rewriting my novel. Maybe I’ll do a follow-up post to this part of my blog where I dish on all the mushy stuff I want to say about The Hero’s Journey, or even a bit about the archetypes found in the course of the Journey, but right now it’s time to delve into this one final stage of the grand epic. That’s right, it’s time to Return With the Elixir!

The Return stage is essential to resolving a story, because everyone has to go somewhere once all is said and done, and more often than not it’s a return to the Ordinary World. Harry Potter returns to 4 Privet Drive to live with the dreadful Dursley family, and Percy Jackson returns to his loving mother and another school year. This brings the story full circle and offers an excellent opportunity to illustrate just how your Hero has changed and grown on his Journey. Showing how people react to your protagonist in this moment as a contrast to how they reacted to him at the start of the story will do more to convince your reader that there was character development than if you simply state in the narrative that he’s different. Remember, the key is to show, not to tell.

If your Hero was sent out to find something or someone, this is where he returns triumphant with that object or person of note to transform the Ordinary World into something better than it was before. However, this isn’t always the case. Sometimes the Hero doesn’t return to the Ordinary World. Sometimes, for whatever reason, he stays in the Special World. (Can anyone say sequel? How about series?) In this case, the narrative, not the character, returns to the Ordinary World to illustrate how the absence of the Hero is felt by those he left behind. If there is a sequel to this story, the Special World then becomes the Ordinary World and vice versa, shifting the status quo of your narrative dramatically.

Let’s wrap up Rob’s story using this stage of the Hero’s Journey. His Return With the Elixir takes the shape of his novel, the Elixir he’s been seeking for the longest time. With that monumental accomplishment in hand, he returns to his life feeling more empowered than ever. He knows he has what it takes to write a novel-length work, and he knows he can see it through to the end. That confidence and self esteem bleeds through in his demeanor. No longer is he blindly stumbling through life dreaming about what could have been or might be. He’s been there, he’s done it, and he returns to the people who know him revitalized. He seems more energetic and vibrant, his excitement about writing infectious to those around him. He rejoins his friends at the gaming table, but his creative energy is no longer bound solely to that arena. Now his thoughts turn toward the next great adventure: Editing his first draft for publication.

And that, my loyal followers, completes our exploration of the Hero’s Journey! As a reminder, this is by no means a complete analysis of the Journey. I’ve hit the highlights here, but there are many books that delve into these sections in greater detail than I’d care to inflict upon you in the pages of my blog. If you’re inclined to learn more, however, I’d suggest reading the original material by Joseph Campbell in The Hero with a Thousand Faces or, if you’d prefer something more modern and not as dry, Christopher Vogler’s The Writer’s Journey. And, as always, if you have questions or comments about any stage of the Hero’s Journey, please leave them in the comments section below!

One more thing: Always remember that the Hero’s Journey is never really over. The ending of one story is but the beginning of the next.

Until next time, safe Journey!

Between the Lines - The TV and the Remote Control

Ladies and gentlemen, loyal fans of all ages, I present to you the second part of my Between the Lines series! Since I kicked this feature off with The Alarm Clock, I thought I'd follow up with the second short story of The Everyday Divnities Project...

The TV and the Remote Control

To start, a little background on why I wrote this story. After The Alarm Clock story introduced the concept of gods attached to inanimate objects, I wanted to show a little of the "behind the scenes" action that goes on when someone uses your average household appliance. As adults, we're all familiar with how remote controls work. As kids, however, we sometimes make up fanciful explanations as to why some things work the way they do. Our ancestors did the same thing with everything from natural disasters to physical ailments, attributing it to unseen forces wielded by powerful divinities. Why not turn that same fanciful thinking to something as mundane as turning on the TV? This story, then, is my way of explaining that process through the lens of my fictional world.

It should also be noted that this is another case of not being objective about my writing. Why I thought it was a good idea to edit my own writing before putting it up is beyond me. Previous drafts of my novel were always read by other writers and creative folk, and their suggestions always made my writing stronger. I'll eventually come to realize that and run future stories past someone for editorial critiquing, but that won't happen until The Desktop and Laptop Computers story. Sadly, you'll have to suffer through my poor judgment until then.

Also, this story features more human narrative than the last one, bookending the story with familiarity. While I strive to make my divinities more human by mirroring their world with that of the adult working world, and thus easier for an audience to connect with, I also wanted to create more of a connection by putting some more human faces in there. Remy and Lily were characters from the original draft of Inanimate Gods that didn't survive the transition from single novel to trilogy. Rather than continue to use the boy from The Alarm Clock in this story, I decided to reuse these two characters here for some diversity. Also, any similarity between this Remy and the one I'm friends with is purely coincidental and completely unintentional. (Hi, Remy!)

As for the divinities themselves, the choice to mirror their work with your typical office procedures was an easy one. Ancient mythology often mirrored the societies that created them, giving the ruling gods their own domain, subjects, and symbols of power and authority. They were just like the people who created them, subject to the same character flaws that governed humanity, with some exceptions. In creating the divinities that govern inanimate objects, one only has to look around their own home to realize that we're talking about hundreds of thousands (and that's a modest estimate) of divinities, with domains as diverse as cars, tables, pens, sporks, buildings, chairs... you get the point. We're not talking about twelve deities who can sit on top of a mountain and get the job done, we're talking about a sprawling pantheon of gods who, from top to bottom, could function very much like any modern corporation. You'd have the chief gods on top plotting the course of things, and the lesser divinities on the bottom who enact that vision. The details might change in the divine realm, but the overarching structure of a corporate pantheon made sense when compared to our modern world.

Finally, on the decision to use How I Met Your Mother as the TV show Remy wanted to watch. I confess that I've never seen the show once, despite the fact that two of my favorite actors are on the series. I just needed the name of a funny, sitcom-style show for him to watch, and that was the first name to pop into my head. Sometimes it's just that simple.

Do you have a question you'd like to ask about The TV and the Remote Control story? Go ahead and post it in the comments section below, and I'll post the answers on this very page!

Tell the Truth Tuesday, Belated Edition

I was busy on Tuesday, when I should have written this, so very busy with geekiness and my beloved. You'll just have to find it in your heart to forgive me as I come clean about a few things today.

1. It's been very windy here toward the beginning of the week, and I think it blew around a whole lot of crap that doesn't like me. Because of this, my allergies have convinced my nose to go on strike. Hopefully, the nasal work force will be back to work soon, and preferably before I run out of tissues.

2. I still haven't finished my rewrite. I KNOW! I hadn't finished it last year, when I said I would, and now it's 3 months into 2011 and I'm still not done with it! But to be honest (because this IS Tell the Truth Wednesday Tuesday), I think it'll be better for it. I've decided to change up the voice of my narrator, which was feeling pretty blah and you don't want blah in your YA novel. I've also decided to add back in a character I'd originally written out, because he adds a lot of tension and drama, and it kind of needs more of that in the middle part.

3. I did, however, finally FINALLY read Rick Riordan's Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief, and I need to get the rest of them now. I'm such a sucker for Greek mythology, and this gives it a great modern twist that I really enjoy. If you heard that the movie wasn't very good (or saw it for yourself), I'm here to tell you that the book is leagues better than the film adaptation. Is it too early for a reboot? Can we call it a do-over? Or can we at least hand out copies of the book to everyone who saw the movie as a way of apology?

4. Intensely excited for the upcoming book of The Dresden Files later this year, called Ghost Story. Jim Butcher is one of my literary heroes, because it took him 9 years to sell his first Dresden story, Storm Front. (Just 3 more years to go for me! *cheers*) Harry Dresden is a fun character to read about, and Mr. Butcher's novels keep getting better and better with every book. If you're caught up on the series and can't wait to find out what happened after the last book's jaw-dropping cliffhanger, you can read the first chapter of Ghost Story here!

5. In non-book news, I bought Season One of the awesome zombie TV series The Walking Dead. Though I haven't read much of the comic books, their televised adaptation is, at the very least, exciting and engaging. It makes me wonder why it's taken them this long to realize "Hey, zombie movies are popular. Zombies are blowing up (literally and figuratively) in comics and novels. Why don't we make a zombie TV show?" If you have the means, and you're not squeamish about corpsified people shambling about over the 6(!) episode season, I highly recommend it.

6. Also, I bought that and Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Six through Amazon ON MY PHONE. And the only reason I bought them is because they were more than half price. Who could resist? I know I couldn't, and though my wallet begrudgingly gave up the money, he's glad they were at such an amazing price.

7. My allergies are killing my concentration. Time to wrap this up.

8. Wow, this entry is linkalicious. So much good stuff made by good people for you to check out! And I'll be shameless and mention that, if you're tempted to buy any of the awesomeness linked above, a portion of the money made through those Amazon links goes to support your penniless writer as he works tirelessly in the literary forge to craft for you the very best YA urban fantasy novel he can. (What? I have to pay for photocopies of my manuscript somehow, don't I?)

9. I actually thought about linking to my Windows 7 phone up there in #6. I think my allergies are making me a little link-happy.

10. I'm putting together a steampunk outfit over the course of the year. This is not relevant to writing at all, but certainly fits my geeky pursuits. So there.

OK, time for me to dive into the comfort of my bed so I can sniffle myself to sleep. More goodness coming later this month, mark my words. Which are already marked. In this blog. ...Yeah, I'm done.

The Hero's Journey - Resurrection

The end is nigh! THE END IS NIGH!

No, really, it is! The Journey is nearly complete. We’re heading back home to the Ordinary World, but we’re changed by the trip. Our old selves are gone, replaced by a new self that incorporates all that was experienced along the way. This, then, is our Resurrection.

A lot of Heroes undergo a Resurrection in the course of their Journey. Typically, this happens toward the end of the story, at the climax. The Hero appears to have died, but returns renewed to the fight to finish off the villain and lead his allies to safety. It’s no coincidence that some of the best stories incorporate this into the final part of their narrative. Not wanting to spoil some of those stories, I won’t spell out any of the greatest examples of Resurrection in storytelling, but I will direct you to some excellent books that illustrate this phase of the Journey so very well: The Princess Bride, the Harry Potter series, and the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series, just to name a few.

The most obvious case of Resurrection is the aforementioned literal meaning, an actual death and rebirth situation. Seemingly vanquished, the Hero is miraculously healed and leaps back from the brink of death to finish off the Shadow or otherwise right a wrong. Not so obvious is the metaphorical Resurrection. This would be the death of an old way of thinking or being, something that isn’t as easy to see on the surface but nevertheless affects the Hero in a deep and lasting way. This happens most commonly in love stories, but it can happen in any sort of story where the stakes aren’t quite as epic as risking life or limb for the sake of humanity/the planet/the universe/etc. Regardless if we go with literal or metaphorical, it can’t be an arbitrary Resurrection. Such a monumental event needs to happen organically within the framework of the story, and the rejuvenated Hero who emerges should resonate with what has happened in the story thus far. Nothing ruins a mood more than random death, and the new way of being that emerges must make sense when put in the context of the narrative.

The metaphorical example of Resurrection fits perfectly in Rob’s ongoing story. Now that he has a novel in the bag, his old mode of thinking – that he can only write short stories – has perished in the wake of his accomplishment. He knows it’s a goal he can achieve, and he hungers for more. The hesitant aspiring writer has given way to a confident author, a change that isn’t as dramatic as coming back from the dead, but is just as life-changing in his world.

I hate to say it, but our Journey is finally reaching its conclusion! We’re turning off of the great literary freeway and taking the few surface streets back home, where we’ll share our tales with those who were left behind, entertaining and instructing them with our adventures, making their world that much better with the wonders we bring back. Coming soon, the final stop - Return With the Elixir!

First Post in 2011!

What an awkward year to type! 2011. It doesn't even sound right. It doesn't roll off the tongue like 2010 did, nor does it have any great significance like our upcoming year, 2012. If the first part of it is any indication, however, this will prove to be my best year ever!

Unfortunately, I don't have a completed Book One in my hands (or hard drive) as I was hoping I would. As I'm toiling over this rewrite, I'm just not feeling it like I did previous drafts. I love my outline, I love my new characters and the changes to the old ones, but I'm having a hard time using them to fill a whole young adult book. As such, I'm going back to the drawing board (or the writer's board, so to speak) and trying to figure out what would make my little high school adventure more exciting and engaging... to me, the writer, if no one else.

Don't take that to mean that I'm resting on my laurels, loyal followers. (And where did that expression come from? Leave a comment below if you know its origins!) I'm turning my attention back to writing short stories in the hopes of provoking some breakthroughs in my trilogy, so expect new entries in The Everyday Divinities Project over the next few months. I'm also reading more, which is something I keep forgetting to do as a writer, and just started the great Rick Riordan's Percy Jackson and the Olympians series.

And, of course, I'll be updating my blog more, having largely neglected it for the past couple months. I have The Hero's Journey to finish up, and the latest entry of that is half written as we speak. (Read? Write? I hate getting all meta in my blog.) I also have more Between the Lines stories to write up, as well as all new quotes and quick takes to round things out.

2011 may not sound thrilling, but good things are on the horizon this year. Stay tuned, loyal followers, to see how events unfold!

The Hero's Journey - The Road Back

I know, I know, we’re all having so much fun on our road trip, it’s almost a shame to have to go back to the real world. That’s exactly what we have to do, however. I mean, they don’t call this stage The Road Back for nothing, right?

No one wants to go back home when they’re in a new and wondrous place, and that includes the Hero. Very rarely, the Hero will stay in the special world, but more often than not, he’ll make the trek back to the ordinary world with all the lessons he’s learned along the way. This is where the main character rededicates himself to the role of Hero and his place in the grand adventure. Just because he’s going back home, that doesn’t mean the reset button is hit and everything returns to normal. It also doesn’t mean he goes back home unscathed. By surviving the Ordeal and claiming the Reward, our Hero is now so much more than he was before… but I’m getting ahead of myself.

You know those thresholds that the Hero has been crossing since stepping into the Special World? Well, this is another one, except it’s the threshold of the Ordinary World. The Threshold Guardian for this one, however, can be anyone. It could be his companions who have accompanied him this far and would love it if he stayed. It could be his own desire to belong in this new place, refusing to go back to being ordinary again. Then again, it might be the Shadow if the villain of the piece wasn’t finished off in the Ordeal. This last one lends itself well to a chase scene, a sure way to spice up this piece of the Hero’s Journey and amp things up after relaxing in the Reward stage.

I wish I had some incredible way to illustrate how the Road Back applies to Rob’s Journey, some dazzling example that would completely wow you and demonstrate how layered this stage can be. Honestly, though, his Road Back at this point is a literal road back home from the NaNoWriMo after party. On the way back, though, he has plenty of time to reflect on his success and realize that he’s very capable of writing a novel. In fact, he’s already got one in the bag. What is he going to do with it? That’s the question that weighs heavily on his mind as he returns to his Ordinary World.

We’re nearing the very end of our Journey! I’m kind of sad about that. I feel like we’ve been through a lot in the course of this year. We’ve been to the Special World and have returned… from the dead? Why not? Next up: Resurrection! (Bring your own phoenix metaphor.)

Welcome, New Followers!

It's been a while since I've made an acknowledgment post, but let me assure you, I've certainly noticed the new people who have joined my small but loyal band of followers.

To the new folks, welcome to my humble corner of the web! If you haven't done so already, check out the links to the right of this post. You'll find a few short stories under The Everyday Divinities Project that will give you a better idea of the world I'm building within my soon-to-be-rewritten trilogy. Then, check out The Hero's Journey posts to learn more about the story structure behind my work of modern mythology. And if you've read through those already, you can read my earlier entries and laugh at how green I was at the whole "blogging about my writing" thing. ("Was?" Still am, in some ways.)

And to both the new people and the longtime followers, you guys (and gals!) are awesome, and your presence helps me keep focus on doing what I do best - writing, writing, writing. I salute you all.

The Hero's Journey - Reward

We’re finally here! It’s been a long, hard road up to this point, but the payoff is worth it. Through all the battles fought and won, friendships forged and villains thwarted, we’ve finally arrived at the part that makes it all worthwhile – The Reward!

Joseph Campbell calls this stage Seizing the Sword, in honor of all the stories of dragons slain for their treasure. The Hero conquers the Shadow and wins his reward, which may include a magical sword, a grateful kingdom and a very pretty damsel. The exact reward can be anything – a hidden treasure, a captured princess, a secret weapon. In spy movies, it’s usually some key to saving (or, in the wrong hands, destroying) the world. In romances, it’s some hottie (guy or girl) who the Hero has been trying to woo. It can be anything from the Holy Grail to a childhood toy. The one thing they all share in common is that they were fiercely sought after by the Hero. This is also where the characters can relax for a moment and savor their victory. We won the day, so let’s party! This is where the trumpets sound, campfires are stoked, and everyone can relax around the holochess table on the Millennium Falcon while Han takes them to lightspeed.

Story-wise, the Reward stage is where your readers can breathe a huge sigh of relief. We’re not at the climax yet, but after the harrowing battle of the Ordeal, there should be a way to relieve all of that pressure with a payoff. Don’t cheapen the victory over the Ordeal! This is what the whole story has been building toward all this time, and while there could be a strong lesson to be learned in the Hero not getting everything he wants, he’d better get something to show for all his pain and suffering up to now. This is as necessary for the readers as it is for the characters. While the story isn’t over yet, there should be some time to linger in the feeling of accomplishment before launching into the next leg of the Journey.

Now, how does this apply to the ongoing tale of Rob’s Journey? His Ordeal is at an end. He’s got his first novel written – it’s time to celebrate! As the winners of National Novel Writing Month gather to share their novels and the stories behind them, he joins in the revelry, proud to have made it to the winner’s circle. It’s cathartic for him to relax with others who have just made the same marathon run for the literary finish line. For some, this is something they do every year. Others have only completed their first, same as him. And among them all, only a handful dream of having their tale published. Rob’s novel may be complete, but his story is not yet over...

Neither is ours. True, we’ve come a long way, and we’ve reached the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, but where do you go from there? Home, of course! When next we return to the Hero’s Journey, we’ll be packing up to take The Road Back.

The Everyday Divinities Project - The Cell Phones

The Cell Phones - by R. B. LeMoyne
© September 9, 2010 * robertlemoyne@gmail.com

“Are you kidding me? There’s no way I’ll be her cell phone again!”

Sal blinked as B.B. Tana threw the new assignment folder back onto his desk, shocked at the conviction behind her retort when he told her which mortal was to rejoin her divine client list. For a tense moment, the two gods of the cell phone domain stared at each other, Sal sitting behind his office desk in a crisp dark suit and the lithe goddess Tana standing with her arms folded across her sporty attire, until Sal finally gave in.

“Uh, come again?” he asked.

Tana shook her head, pointing at the discarded folder. “I’m not going to be her cell phone again. No way, no how. Not now, not ever.”

Sal gathered up the file, replacing the papers that had spilled out of the manila folder. “You’ve served hundreds of thousands of mortals since joining us here in the Division of Cellular Communication. Why the flat refusal to serve this one?” He held up the photo of the mortal in question, a young girl of exotic beauty pictured laughing with her friends.

“Why? Because she’s a cruel, heartless, careless witch with a vendetta against cell phones. I’d sooner walk into the heart of the Great Void than go back to serving her.”

“Wow.” Sal looked at the picture before putting it back into the folder. “That’s… extreme. You’d rather be unmade than serve this one mortal?”

“It’s the difference between years of abuse and a single catastrophic moment,” Tana answered with a shrug.

Sal’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Abuse? Now you’re the one kidding me.”

“Do you even read these files before you hand them out? Give it here.” Tana snatched the assignment folder out of her boss’ hands to read off her crimes. “Okay, let’s start with her first phone, Flip. He sure lived up to his name – she flipped his top half clean off.”

“So you have one incident that-“

Tana shushed him and continued. “Her next phone was Talnax, who got infected by a fatal virus. Kablooey, another one bites the dust.”

“It was completely unintentional, a stroke of bad luck,” Sal countered. “And as I recall, he was more than a little absent-minded. I always got complaints that he failed to put calls through.”

“Yeah, so that makes it okay.” Tana gave him a withering look as she forged ahead. “And I guess it’s okay that she tossed her next phone, Vernon, into a pool? Seriously, Sal. SHE THREW HIM INTO A POOL!”

Sal squirmed in his seat, at a loss to offer an explanation.

Tana glowered at the file as she reached the end of the document. “Here we go: my cousin, B.B. Monique. Your mortal didn’t staff Monique with a memory card so she could serve her properly – totally not my cousin’s fault – but it didn’t matter. She ditched her for my sister, Alicia. Not six months into serving as her cell phone, she broke Alicia’s ability to take a charge. She dumped her and went for her twin, Amelia, and the same thing happened. The same thing! So what did she do? She ditched Amelia for me, and ended up abandoning me in a cab in Santa Monica. And then, if that wasn’t enough, my twin sister Tamara picked up where I left off, and…”

“…And her domain was destroyed, too. No one’s sure where the pressure cracks came from, or how they spread so fast. It’s likely we’ll never know.”

“Yeah, well, maybe now you understand why I want nothing to do with this mortal.”

“I do,” Sal nodded, rising to circle around his desk. “And believe me, if it were my call, I’d reassign her to someone else. It’s not up to me, though. You know how these things work, Tana.”

“The system is broken,” Tana shot back, closing the folder with a sharp snap. “Everyone’s so concerned about pleasing the precious mortals. What about us? Who looks after us? The Animates? The Ephemerals? I doubt it. So answer me, Sal, who cares about us?”

He wanted to comfort her. He really did. And years ago, when the mortal champions of the inanimate gods were still active, he could. But those days were long gone, and there was no one left in the world to look out for them. Rather than expose that painful truth, Sal changed the subject. “I can try to pass it back upstairs and get it reassigned to another divinity. It might take some time, though, and someone will need to-”

“Oh, shut up,” Tana grumbled. “I’ll do it. I’m not going to like it, but I’ll do it.”

Sal touched her arm and smiled. “You’re one in a million, Tana.”

“Yeah, well, she’s damn lucky I like you so much,” Tana quipped, poking him in the chest with the assignment folder. “And if she so much as tosses me onto a table, I will curse her so hard, her great-grandchildren will have problems with phones.”

“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that,” Sal laughed. “Now go on, do what you have to do. If you need me for anything at all, you know where to find me.”

“Thanks, boss.” Tana gave Sal a brief hug before leaving his office. She opened up the folder on the way out of the building, chuckling. O little mortal, it’s time for some payback…

The Everyday Divinities Project - The Desktop and Laptop Computers

The Desktop and Laptop Computers - by R. B. LeMoyne
© September 1, 2010 * robertlemoyne@gmail.com

“It’s about time you got here, old friend! Let me guess, another MMO?”

Holland Parcell, dressed in his usual divine business attire, heaved a sigh and joined his counterpart at the outdoor café table . “Of course,” he replied. “You’d be surprised how many people let themselves get absorbed into those time sinks, Dall. They look like good fun, but one hour becomes five, and the mortals could care less that they haven’t eaten or showered or even stepped outside. Not that I mind – more business for me if they’re using my domain instead of, say, playing sports – but I’m constantly amazed by the mortal capacity to ignore all other concerns when it comes to playing a simple computer game.” He smiled half-heartedly, adding, “Many apologies for my tardiness.”

“Bah, think nothing of it,” Dall countered, waving his hand in the air to dismiss the apology. “Believe me, enough mortals use my domain for online gaming, so I can sympathize. I swear, it’s amazing how much time a mortal will sink into a game that has no tangible reward or gain. As if they were actually making money at it!”

Holland raised a finger. “Ah, but it is entertaining. Sometimes there doesn’t need to be a concrete gain, only a good time.”

Dall rolled his eyes and muttered something about mortals and the other good time they search for online. “Anyway, can I get you a cup o’ joe?”

“Ugh, no, thank you,” Holland answered, face twisting in disgust. “I’ve had enough of Java for the time being. I’ll take a green tea, if you’d please.”

“Suit yourself.” With a slow wave of his hand, Dall conjured up two mugs, one filled with coffee, the other brimming with tea. “Me? I’ve been craving coffee all day. I blame that damnable college kid earlier today. I thought he’d be taking up residence in a coffee shop to write that paper, but he went to that accursed Penara place.”

Holland inhaled his fragrant cup of tea as he cocked an eyebrow at Dall. “Penara? I don’t believe I’ve been there.”

Dall shook his head. “No, you wouldn’t have, and truth be told, you’re better off for it. I hate – HATE – having to go there, and wouldn’t you know that every laptop owner with an inflated opinion of themselves just loves to take me to Penara,” he drawls, the last few words drawn out with a heavy dose of sarcasm.

“I take it there’s more to this loathing than meets the eye?”

“Okay, it’s like this,” Dall began, ignoring his steaming mug of coffee. “You know how coffeehouses used to be the place to go to sit down with a laptop, have some coffee, and check your email or write a school paper or whatever?”

Holland nodded, replying, “Of course. Has that changed?”

“Oh, plenty of people still take their laptop to a coffee shop, sure. That’s fine. But Penara…” Dall frowned, struggling for just the right words. “Let’s put it this way. If you were a snob who liked to pay far too much for far too little food, and you wanted to check your email in the most elite and trendy way possible, you’d go to Penara.”

“I don’t understand. The food is overpriced, so you don’t like mortals taking you there?”

“It’s not necessarily the food. Okay, it’s not just the food. No, it’s the type of people the place attracts. They’re the same stuck-up, prissy rejects that the mortals who created our domain back in the day loathed. Now they’re using me as some sort of elite status symbol, checking their social networks in an eatery that isn’t even all that good, and doing web chats right there at the tables. Web chats!” Dall shouted. “In Penara! It’s disgusting!”

“You know that the mortals you call ‘rejects’ are the very same mortals who give you power through their devotion to your domain, yes?” Dall scowled at Holland, who sat there smugly sipping his tea, before finally taking a drink of his coffee mug. His silent retort sent Holland chuckling. “All the same, I do believe you need to come to terms with the evolution of mortal gathering holes. Before our time, it was the tavern. Now that we’re leading the mortal information age, it’s all about who can best supply our needs, regardless of the environment’s image, yes?”

“Well, something better than Penara needs to come along, and quick, before I stage a protest,” Dall grumbled into his mug. “It’d serve those stuck-up mortals right if all their precious laptops blinked out all at once, right in the middle of their all-important and totally inane web chats.”

Holland laughed, sipped his tea, then rose from his chair. “Well, as entertaining as it is to listen to your rants and would-be plots to rebel against your sacred duties, I really should get back to work.”

“What? You just got here, and you’re already headed back? Honestly, H.P., the online gamers can do without you for another few moments!”

“Ah, but the gamers are only a minority of the mortals I serve,” Holland countered with a sigh. “The others who use my domain for business and other noble pursuits are why I must depart. As ever, it was a pleasure to see you, dear friend.”

Dall nodded, a smile sneaking across his lips. “Yeah, same here. Don’t be a stranger, now. Your domain may be stationary, but it’s good for you to get out now and then, you know?”

“But of course.” Holland bowed, smiling warmly and, in a brilliant bolt of light, returned to his domain in the Bureau of Computational Processing.

Trilogy Update

Among all the other excitement of this weekend, I have new word on the progress of The Inanimate Gods Trilogy - the second act of Book One has been revised!

Yes, technically, Book One has been completed, but I was never entirely satisfied with the middle part of the book. With the new opening and ending, it became the weakest part of the story, failing to measure up to the strength of the rest of the novel. I blame Alex, that spotlight hog, who wanted to be the sole main character of the series.

Well, Elonia had some things to say about that. Not content to remain a secondary or support character, she wanted to be a main character in her own right, to step into the spotlight instead of remaining at the edge of it. We had a long talk about it (because I converse with my characters from time to time to get a measure of their role in the narrative) and I agreed that her Hero(ine)'s Journey was just as important as Alex's Journey. I went back to my chapter outline - the road map of this insane undertaking that has consumed my life for the past few years - and reworked it, changing chapters already in place and adding new ones. Elonia is happy that she has more to do in the book, Alex is happy that he gets to join in on the fun, and I'm happy that my story is all the stronger for it.

So, once I'm done adding in all the new goodies, the second act of Book One will be just as strong as the rest of the narrative. I'll need to change a few of the details in the last part of the book for consistency, but it's a small price to pay for a great story.

More on the progress of my trilogy as it develops!

The Hero's Journey - Approach

So we’ve spent a good deal of time exploring the extraordinary world, learned some very important lessons from its denizens, and made new friends and new enemies alike. It’s been a lot of fun, but now it’s time to up the ante. Buckle up, readers, we’re about to make our Approach!

The Approach stage is shorthand for Joseph Campbell’s Approach to the Inmost Cave, usually the lair of the bad guy, the dragon’s cave, or some other den of deadly things in old mythology. This is where the journey starts to get more difficult, the trials of the previous stage paling in comparison to the challenges ahead. The Hero zeroes in on the source of the main conflict and, much like the preparation involved in Crossing the Threshold, prepares for the story’s central crisis event. In fact, this stage is often considered a second threshold in the story, complete with its own Threshold Guardian. If the Hero has paid attention to the special rules of this new world, this encounter should be the first time he puts his newly acquired knowledge to the test.

It’s very likely that your Hero doesn’t expect to return from the final confrontation. This is appropriate – death and resurrection are, after all, an integral part of the great myths, and this plays directly into the Resurrection stage of the Hero’s Journey. I’m getting ahead of myself, though. A lot of high stakes stories involve final battles between the main character and the villain of the piece, and only one is expected to walk away. Settling his affairs before the big fight is something that the Hero should certainly take care of at this point of the Journey. Likewise, in stories where there’s an emotional conflict instead of a physical one, the Hero may have to come to terms with some painful truth before moving toward the climax of the story. The Inmost Cave in that instance may be the depths of his own soul as he deals with some hard truths. Any way you slice it, the Approach is where the protagonist mentally, physically and emotionally suits up for the big showdown.

Let’s check back in with Rob to see how this stage plays out in his own Hero’s Journey. He’s been working at the office for a while now, learning new skills in administration and organization, but he hasn’t been following his dream of being a writer at all. Betty changes that by adding a new layer to his life, challenging him to write short stories about inanimate objects to get the creative juices flowing. At first baffled by the notion of adding writing to what he considers an already full life, he nonetheless takes up the challenge and makes the time to hammer out one short story after another. It soon becomes apparent that each one he completes builds on the last to develop a common thread linking them together, which makes writing the next story easier as an overarching mythology is born. Good thing, too – he discovers that National Novel Writing Month is fast approaching, its siren’s call irresistible to Rob now that his muse is getting warmed up. 50,000 words is a hefty challenge to someone who has never written a novel before, but with his new array of time management skills and creative direction, it’s a battle he’s never been more prepared to fight.

Our Journey is more than halfway over, but the best is yet to come. Though we’re not yet to the climax of our tale, we’re definitely entering crisis mode and fast approaching the big finish. The Hero’s Journey kicks into high gear next time as we launch right into the Ordeal!

The Everyday Divinities Project - The Copier

The Copier - by R. B. LeMoyne
© July 23, 2010 * robertlemoyne@gmail.com

“Why won’t this thing print for me?!”

Aaron stood over the small office copier, glaring down at the offending piece of technology. A page had jammed in the feeder again, halting his printing job for the fifth time today. A task that should have taken only a handful of seconds had now stretched into long minutes, and his boss was waiting for the document in the other room.

“Damn copier! Give me my friggin’ document!” he growled, jabbing the “Stop/Clear” button viciously, over and over.

“Hey! Just what do you think you’re doing?” Cari demanded, her tone heavy with accusation as she turned in her chair to watch her frustrated coworker.

His annoyance growing, Aaron gestured violently to his boxy nemesis. “The damn copier won’t print for me! I’ve been trying to get this report copied for the boss since I got in this morning, and it keeps jamming on me, every single friggin’ time. Stupid piece of outdated…” A snarl of aggravation choked off his words as he restrained himself from slamming his fists down on the copier.

“See, that’s your problem right there. You need to treat her with more respect than that, or she won’t print for you.”

Aaron turned to her, his anger ebbing momentarily as a dubious expression crossed his face. “Her? She? What?”

Cari nodded and continued, “Yeah, she likes to be treated nicely. Give her a little love, talk to her a bit, and your problems will be over. I promise.” Her advice given, she turned back to her desk to continue working on her computer.

Aaron sighed and tugged his page free from the copier, neatly arranging the stack of papers in the feeder once again. “Talk to her,” he muttered under his breath. “Riiiight. As if this thing was one of the office assistants or something. Craziest thing I’ve ever heard...”

Once the stack was ready to be printed again, he leaned against the copier and growled, “Okay, you oversized paperweight. You’re going to print this for me, or I’m going to toss you out the window. Got it?” He hit the “Start” button and stepped back with satisfaction as the first few pages copied without a hitch. When the fourth page jammed in the copier, the image of carrying through with his spoken promise rode through his mind on a wave of hate.

Cari sighed as she stood and walked over to the copier. “You’re not doing it right. Step aside and watch a pro at work.” Aaron backed away and gestured widely for her to step up and give it a try.

In a low, sweet voice, Cari cooed, “It’s all right, baby. Cari’s here to take care of you.” She loaded the documents into the top feeder tray and continued, with a sidelong glance at Aaron, “Don’t mind him. He just doesn’t know thing one on how to treat you right.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Aaron muttered in disbelief, staring at the bizarre and rather one-sided conversation before him.

“See, this is why she won’t print for you,” Cari said in response to his comment. “It’s that kind of attitude that turns her off.”

“And I suppose it’ll print for you instead of me?”

Cari tapped the “Start” button and smiled smugly at him as the copier completed its printing job without a hitch. Aaron stared at the copier, blinked incredulously, then frowned at her. “That was luck,” he said sharply, snatching the original document and its copy from the machine before taking both sets of documents in to his boss.



Later that day, Aaron approached the copier with another stack of documents to copy for his boss. He stepped up to the machine cautiously, as if he were afraid it would snap at him.

This is beyond silly, Aaron chided himself with a frown. It’s not a she, it doesn’t have feelings, and it doesn’t need to be pampered like a newborn baby. It’s a damn copy machine. You just need to check the feeder tray to make sure it doesn’t jam again.

After checking the tray three times to make sure the edges of the document were perfectly aligned and lightly situated in the feeder tray, he hit the “Start” button to begin the printing job. He glanced over to where Cari was watching him and gave her a smug smile of his own… a smile that dropped quickly when a page jammed in the copier. Cari snorted in amusement as Aaron pulled the jammed paper free, cursing all the while at the “fickle piece of outdated machinery.” He shot a glare at her, his face flushed in anger.

“Somehow, this is all your fault,” he said balefully. “I’m not sure how, exactly, but it is, I know it.”

Cari smirked at him and replied, “I’m telling you, it’s all in your approach. You have to treat her like you’d treat any office employee. She’s as overworked as the rest of us, and she doesn’t like having a huge workload thrown at her like that. You have to be nice to her, talk to her, let her know you care. She’ll appreciate that, trust me. Once you acknowledge her and her hard work, your own work will go that much smoother.”

She pushed him aside and leaned in close to the copier, caressing the machine’s hard plastic shell gently. “There, there, baby. Cari’s back,” she said soothingly. “Everything’s okay, you just need to print this one little stack for him and he’ll leave you alone.”

“Hey, now-“ Aaron began to protest, but Cari cut him off with a shush. She fixed the papers in the tray, tapped the “Start” button, and left her bewildered coworker to collect his perfectly copied document.



Aaron glanced around, checking to make sure that Cari had already gone home before stepping up to the printer again. It was the end of the day, and as he predicted, his boss had handed him a stack of documents that he wanted copied just before clocking out. Figures that the world would conspire to keep me at the office the day I plan to get together with friends after work.

He eyed the copier warily, then glanced around again to make sure no one was watching. He straightened the documents and placed them with care in the feeder tray, then said aloud, “Alright, I know we got off on the wrong foot. I was… inconsiderate… and I apologize.” With a light caress of the keypad, he added, “Right now, I really need to get this copied so I can leave work on time, so I’ll make you a deal. You get this printed quickly and without a hitch, and I’ll make sure you’re fully stocked with fresh paper first thing tomorrow morning. Do we have a deal?”

Inwardly hoping that he wasn’t making a fool of himself for nothing, Aaron pressed the “Start” button. The copier whirred to life and began printing one page, then two, then three. As the feeder grabbed the fourth page, he was sure that the machine would jam on his document yet again… but was then pleasantly surprised when it accepted the fifth and sixth page without pause. He stood in awe as the copier finished with the rest of his document seconds later. A quick check of the copy confirmed that every page printed flawlessly.

At a loss for words, he grabbed the original document and ran before something else could make the day any stranger than it already was.



Within the spiritual domain of the office copier, Okuko the copy goddess signed the last of the paperwork that symbolized another successful copy. A relieved sigh passed between her tiny lips, her white luminescent form relaxing in her charcoal gray office chair. Today was another busy day full of important documents. She gave a silent thanks to Cari, who always seemed to make the day go by that much faster with her kind words and attention. They were both expected to do so much work for so little reward, and sometimes it grated on her far more than she’d admit. Still, it was comforting to have someone in the office that understood and appreciated the hard work she performed on a daily basis.

Okuko smiled as she filed away her paperwork and considered giving Aaron a divine blessing should he follow through with his promise. Though he didn’t fully believe in her yet, he was on the path of acceptance. Tonight’s small demonstration would make that transition from skeptic to believer a little easier, but as always, it would take time. With any luck, Cari would help things along on her end.

She looked forward to her fresh paper tomorrow morning.

New Update Coming "Soon"

The title for this post is an inside joke that most fans of video game companies like Blizzard and Valve will get pretty quickly. The rest of you will just have to wait and see to get the joke, or Google "Valve Time" or "Blizzard Soon" to get the oft-humorous explanation. For now, let's get down to it.

My sincerest apologies for the lack of meaty updates these past few weeks. I've been trying to balance two jobs and a house guest from out of town, all while writing my trilogy. I can tell you that I have been working on the next leg of the Hero's Journey, Approach, but I can't tell you when it'll be posted. Maybe tomorrow, maybe later in the week. Maybe today, if the clouds part and the choir sings, heralding a miracle of time dilation that would make it all possible.

I've been receiving inquiries lately about the Hero's Journey, Joseph Campbell, and the mythic structure of story, which has me thrilled. It's good to see such interest in what many believe to be the essential building blocks of narrative, having survived from ancient mythology to become an integral part of modern storytelling. In response, I've added links just to the right of this post, below The Everyday Divinities Project, that will take you directly to each post I've made regarding the stages of the Journey. As it's been a sizable amount of time since the last Hero's Journey post (almost a month?!) this will help you brush up on the Journey for the next exciting installment.

Keep checking the blog for future updates!

The Everyday Divinities Project - The Coffee Machines

The Coffee Machines - by R. B. LeMoyne
© June 15, 2010 * robertlemoyne@gmail.com

“You wanted to see me, boss?”

Taryn looked up from her desk at the young god standing in her doorway and smiled pleasantly. She was a vision of professional beauty, dressed in a classy cream-colored blouse and matching tan skirt suit, her honey-blonde hair pulled up in a bun. “Ah, Mister Caulfie. Please, come in, and shut the door behind you.”

“Sure,” he said, stepping into the office after closing the door quietly. “Also, you can call me Mr. C, if you like. Everyone else does.” He glanced around her room, noting the accolades on her wall and the pictures of her with coworkers and very important divinities. He only had one other opportunity to view the interior of this office before, back when he was hired, but that was in 1972. The number of framed commendations had increased dramatically since then, as well as the number of pictures. Mr. C doubted he would ever see half the gods Taryn had posed with, let alone appear as casual with them as she appeared to be in each image. Such is a divinity’s life that, even if he had centuries of service under his belt, he was simply one small part of the Inanimate Pantheon.

“All right, Mr. C,” she began, gesturing to one of the chairs across from her before closing the file she had been reading upon his arrival. “Have a seat, and we’ll begin.” At her request, he sat down, smoothing down his black tie and tugging on the cuffs of his white long-sleeve shirt nervously while trying to guess why he had been called in to see her.

Finally, Taryn folded her hands on top of her desk and regarded him evenly. “Do you know why I called you in here, Mr. C?

“No, ma’am,” he answered, shaking his head in the negative. “Should I?”

“Not necessarily. You may or may not know that I’ve been conducting evaluations of my employees over the past few years, gauging job performance with an eye toward the future of our business. As the goddess of coffee machines, I want to make sure our relationship with the goddess of coffee herself stays on very good terms,” she explained, idly tapping the file centered squarely on her desk.

“Of course,” Mr. C nodded.

Taryn nodded in return and continued, “To that end, I wanted to go over your file with you. For the most part, you’ve been an exceptional employee, filing your paperwork on time, keeping your domain in excellent working condition, performing your duties as the god of home coffee machines with enthusiasm and devotion.”

Mr. C smiled modestly and said, “Well, I do my best.”

“Your best,” she echoed, opening the file on her desk again and scanning the first page of the collected documents with a scrutinizing frown. “I have a few recorded events of ‘your best’ here that I wanted to get your take on. See if you can help me understand some of these… unique claims.”

The god blinked, stunned, unsure of where Taryn was going with this. “Uh, okay. What sort of claims?”

“The first one I have here,” she began, taking up a fountain pen before peering into the file, “is a report that you brew tea. Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but you are the god of home coffee machines, are you not?”

“Yes, I am, but-“

“And is there not also a goddess of home tea machines to take up that task?” she asked, quirking an eyebrow at him critically.

Mr. C answered, “Yes, there is, but to be fair, Mrs. Tee’s domain wasn’t fully realized until I had been in my position for twenty-three years. In that time, mortals had already misused my domain to brew tea, a bad habit that I have no control over, unfortunately.”

“Hm. Then there’s this report,” Taryn continued, turning back to the chart again to make a note before flipping to the next page. “It says here that your domain, and I quote, ‘would seem like it was finished brewing - until I pulled the carafe out. Then a stream of coffee would suddenly pour down,’ end quote.” She looked up at Mr. C with a questioning frown. “We’re in the business of wasting another god’s domain now, are we?”

The god sitting across from her shifted his position uncomfortably in the seat. This was not going well. “No, we’re not, and I’m terribly sorry about that, really I am. But like the previous issue, mortals can only be influenced so far. It’s up to them to clean my physical domain, not me. I can only do so much without revealing my presence to the mortal realm, as I’m sure you’re well aware.”

“I see.” Mr. C was not reassured by her neutral tone that she did see, but that didn’t stop her from making another note and continuing with the evaluation. As she turned to the next page, Taryn went on, “Then there’s this report here that you leaked water all over a counter instead of using it to brew coffee.”

Aha! The god smiled and respectfully replied, “Actually, those instances are exceedingly rare and usually account for an error by the mortal using my domain. I’ve done some looking in to that report as it’s been brought to my attention previously, and I’ve found that they’re actually attributed primarily to office coffee machines, not home coffee machines.”

“Which means you’re accusing your co-worker of negligence when it comes to his domain?” she countered quietly.

“Uh, no, not precisely,” Mr. C responded, his smile faltering in the wake of her accusation. “Only that it’s possible the paperwork had been misfiled, or otherwise labeled incorrectly, to attach it to my domain, ma’am.”

“Possible,” Taryn echoed, making a quick note before setting her pen down and closing the file once more. “There are several more claims in there, following along the same lines as those three. Am I to gather, then, that they are no fault of your own and easily chalked up to either mortal incompetence or the carelessness of file clerks?”

Mr. C tugged nervously on his sleeve cuffs again. “Well, it’s hard to say without hearing the claims themselves. I will say, however, that if I’m at fault for anything when it comes to my domain, it’s in not exercising as much influence on the mortals as I could. I try to walk the fine line between influencing them in the care and upkeep of my physical domain, and allowing them the benefit of the doubt, but I tend to err on the side of withholding my influence so as not to draw undue attention to myself. If you’d rather I push that line more than I have, I can easily do that, but my concern is – and always has been – the Rule of Prime.”

Taryn stared at him for a moment in silence, the two divinities simply watching each other over the immaculate desk – the goddess with a critical eye and the god with a wary gaze. Before Mr. C could shatter the quiet with an anxious remark, however, his boss smiled pleasantly and spoke. “No, I don’t think that will be necessary, Mister Caulfie. It’s my professional opinion that you have a strong grasp of your duties and a remarkable intuition when it comes to how much pull to exert over the physical realm. And as you’ve noted, mortals don’t always allow us the luxury of performing our duties flawlessly. You’ve done some excellent work over the years, I must say, and I’m recommending you to fill my position when I’m promoted this year.”

It took Mr. C a moment to process what she had said, and even then, he wasn’t sure he had heard her correctly. “Wait, you’re… promoting me?”

“Indeed I am. The goddess of coffee herself is taking me on as her personal assistant, which leaves me in need of a responsible and trustworthy god to take my place when that happens. We’ll work up the details later, after you’ve had time to come to terms with this revelation,” she commented with a mildly teasing tone, “but be prepared to pull double duty as you’ll be carrying out your normal tasks while I train you to take on my own.

“I… I don’t even know what to say!” he stammered, rising from his seat as Taryn did, and thrust his hand out to her. “Congratulations to you, boss!”

“And to you, Mr. C,” she replied with a more casual smile, taking his hand briefly before sitting back down. “I’ll see you tomorrow, bright and early, so we can go over the finer points of your promotion.”

Mr. C grinned, nodding, as he opened the door. “Absolutely! I’ll see you then, boss!” He closed the door behind him and walked down the hallway with a spring in his step and a song in his heart, eager to find out all that his new role in the pantheon entailed.